Through the Veil (RIP David Mohr)

Peace and blessings... 

I don't quite know how to start this... but something happened to me yesterday, it was very intimate and I need to share it with you. I need to share it with you because it's real, it's significant to everyone and it could help someone out there... and if it could help just one of you, then that is good enough.

Circle of Friends

Yesterday was Saturday the 11th of July 2015. Zoe and I got up after a little lay in and went to the living room to settle down for our weekend breakfast and decided catch up on Masterchef. As Zoe suggested what to watch, I was about to walk out of the room when the back of my robe swooshed over an ornament we have on our small fire place and brought it crashing to the floor. I looked down and noticed it was our "Circle of Friends" candle holder. Four of the five figures smashed to pieces yet one was left standing. I didn't think anything of it at first just thought, oh great it's gonna be a clumsy Brent day. 

Do you want the bad news or the bad news first?

So on we went, carrying on with our breakfast and Masterchef catch up. When we were finished, I went out for a cigarette and started to scroll through Facebook on my phone and I saw an obituary with my friends' picture on it...

...I was in total shock for an hour. It didn't seem real. At all. 

David Mohr (AKA American Dave, AKA Cali) was one of my best friends for the short time we spent together. I loved that guy. I know it's cliche but he truly was the life and soul of the party. He has been a huge influence on me. I know that so many people who met him will be gutted to know that he has passed away, and at just 38. And it's even more confusing and tragic to learn that the Dave we knew ended his own life. 

After an hour it started to sink in and I couldn't keep it in. In england we use the term "gutted" in place of sad or dissapointed, and I don't believe there is a better term to use for how I feel about our loss of Dave... I really do feel gutted... like I have a huge hole in the center of my being.

The funeral is today...

Upon finding out that Dave had actually passed away a week ago, I found out that his funeral would be later on that day... 11am in Tampa Florida, 4pm here in the UK. I figured I could pay my respect to him at the same time as his family and the rest of his friends where all gathered in memorium. And at about 3pm I started listening to one of the Hip Hop artists Dave introduced me to way back in the day, The Notorious BIG. We listened to Biggie all the time, every time I play Biggie I think of him and those times so it felt like an appropriate soundtrack for me to listen to and remember our bond. I put all three albums on shuffle and kicked back. 

By 3:45 I started to get ready for my own little ceremony.. I rolled a joint and then got a candle out and placed it on the now broken "Circle of Friends" candle holder at 3:55pm ready to light both at 4pm.. 

At 3:59 it happened. The last song of Biggie's "Ready to Die" album came on... "Suicidal Thoughts". I shouted out "Oh, for F*** sake!" and it hit me. Dave is with me, right now and he wants me to listen. I wanted to skip the song, but I could feel that it was the wrong thing to do. As much as it would hurt, I need to listen to the song so I can understand the significance and experience the truth and the tragedy.

So at 4pm I was sitting listening to Biggie's "Suicidal Thoughts" by candle light... sounds pretty morbid and believe me when the song ended, I looked up with tears in my eyes and said to him "You know that was friggin morbid man!" and then I couldn't help but chuckle. So after listening to a few more tracks and praying, I paused it near the end of one song and went outside. I sat in the glorious sun for 20 mins while I blazed and reminisced about so many great times and felt really connected and at peace. 

Afterwards I went back to the living room and hit resume on the music player. As the song that was previously on pause was ending, I said to myself "What's next? Goin' back to Cali?" and boom, the song came on "Going back to Cali". (Please bare in mind that his nickname was Cali, this was his song). I couldn't believe it, I was elated, and I sat there and rapped along and bobbed along, it felt like we were back in his parent's car jamming to Biggie together again. 

After that song, "Playa Hata" came on and the essence of the song really describes Dave's attitude. At the end of the song, Biggie is on stage in a lounge speaking to the crowd as the band winds down. He starts to say goodbye to everyone and thanks them for coming and it was right there again that I knew Dave was here, comforting me, saying his goodbyes and letting me say goodbye to him too. When the song ended, the room went dark because a cloud went passed the sun and I felt his energy go, right then and right there. 

It was amazing. Life is beautiful and it is tragic and it goes on. 

Life After Death...

I know this isn't written very well, but I just wanted to write it as it happened. I just wanted to share it with you so maybe you'll find comfort and know that this life is not the end of the road. Some of you may think that it's all coincidence but you can't convince me, you didn't experience what I did. Our circle of friends was broken (at least on the physical plane) and it was poignant that we were watching Masterchef when I found out as when Dave moved back to America he went and graduated from culinary school to become a Chef. Later he spoke to me through the music on shuffle to help me understand and come to terms with his death. These were not coincidences, I am completely sane and sound of mind and suffer no mental delusions... this was real. 

I'm not certain of what this experience truly was, but I wonder this... If the Holy Spirit is the comforter, did Jesus send the Holy Spirit to accompany Dave on a field trip to earth to say goodbye and comfort us on the day of his funeral? I know some will say that's not theologically sound but I know the difference between the benevolent and malevolent.  

What I am certain of is that Dave is with God now and Jesus has accepted him into his arms and healed him. There is life after death and we are all connected to those we love. You will see them again. I will see you again Dave, Rest in Paradise my brother. One Love!